Hanging with Cheap Haji

Hanging with cheap Haji in the Hagi on the beach,
Mowing down on natsumikan soft cream in the heat,
The Ell's'appelles and I regretting looking washed out from bleach.
Stealing cheap Haji's shoes, and burning what I can,
It's no wonder my new misnomer suggests a pyromaniacs leanings,
As dirty t-shirts, lacquered chopsticks and unclean cutting boards entered into the breach.
"Buurrrrrrn!" "Burrrrn!" said with a Scottish burr and a J-land lilt,
While I couldn't help laughing halfway through, "Burrrghhahaahaaaha!"
After consuming the wine, the gin, I ventured forth into Irn-Brew!
That's right, I have discover the secret recipe for Irn-Brew, or at least the adult version.
Take one bottle of Finlandia cranberry vodka and mix generously with Mitsuya cider.
The sugar and teeth rotting nature is lacking, however the general essence is there,
And now the most popular drink in Scotland can be reproduced anywhere
(In the confines of Japan that Mitsuya cider is sold, or where a fair likeness).
5 hours cycling around in the sun were we the clever ones,
Proven the next day by the redness of our arms and soreness of our bums.
Definitely an experience of the "deserves to be repeated" sort.

(Poetry is so completely not my bag... My apologies to those for whom it is.)