Treatment, First Time Around

So chemo started. And we discovered my arteries are hard to find, which meant I had to have a peripherally inserted central catheter inserted into my arm, going to my heart. I had a small breakdown when this was told to me. Understandable, I think. All this crap going on in such a short time, and now you tell me you are going to insert a foreign body so you can hook me up quicker to the drugs.

Excellent.

Oh, and get ready for the radiation.

But before we do that, we want to double check that you actually have what you have been diagnosed with. It is so rare and makes no sense whatsoever in someone my age. So another bronchoscopy. Because if it is something else, we won't have to radiate your brain, and we would really rather not do that. I reply that this better be necessary because I really didn't enjoy the bronchoscopy experience the first time around. Yep, it's necessary.

A second bronchoscopy. How's your gag reflex? Pretty strong, I think. Well, do you gag at the dentist? No, but I still think.... No worries. Bronchoscopy away. Ooops, turns out you do have a pretty strong gag reflex. Which is what I said, but hey, what do I know? I'll just go throw up now.

Results? Same as before. Radiation and chemo. By the by, radiation is kind of like getting a sunburn. And it potentially could cause cancer in you any number of years from now. You will have a higher risk of breast cancer, or potentially some other form of cancer. So the cure could cause the disease again.

Chemo is starting to make my hair fall out by now. But fortunately the nausea and vomiting aren't bad yet. The radiation? Takes three weeks. Not fun, but not as bad as it is for others it seems. Doesn't hurt too badly, but it does make my cough worse for a while.

Third round of chemo comes at the end of March. I get a week off between the end of radiation and before the return to chemo. This three day cycle doesn't go nearly as smoothly as the first two did. I am not able to keep anything down over the weekend, am dehydrating and getting weaker. The stairs are a challenge. Tuesday, off to the hospital again where I spend a couple hours getting IV drugs to stop the nausea, as well as saline to rehydrate.

I feel like bloody Superman after. The IV drugs were steroids. I don't sleep for 2 days, I am so wired. Fabulous feeling, really!

Elly comes right after Easter, and unfortunately, though I had tried to time it otherwise, it is during the last round of chemo. We spend a couple hours each of the three days playing cards and whatnot. We do some touring, but I am pretty weak and having fun with nausea -- but not nearly as bad as the time before. I just don't feel like eating.

Oh, and it turns out the chemo did completely toast my white blood cells. Shots are sent home with me. Seven days worth to try and jumpstart my marrow into producing white blood cells again. I can't give myself the shots -- it is just too much, so my dad is pressed into service. Thanks to the supergees, my immunity returns.

But hey! It was over! I did it. I made it through, and it was hard, but not as hard as I had thought it would be. I start recovering some of my strength. I walk every day. I volunteer at the BC Children's Hospital foundation once or twice a week.

And the checkup comes in a month. The X-ray is clear. Good news. But the X-rays were always clear. I press my radiation oncologist into doing a CT scan before starting the next round of radiation.

And there is a nubbin left where the tumor was. Not what one would hope for. It could be scar tissue, it could be viable tumor, it could be that the radiation is still working on the tumor and that will go away. The only way to find out is to wait. But what about the cranial radiation? We can go ahead with it, or we can wait.

If we go ahead with it, and the tumor is still there and viable, then the treatment has no meaning because the cancer could still spread into my brain. If there is only scar tissue left, then there are no worries.

Is there nothing else that can be done? No way to check? My doctor says she'll present my case to her colleagues and ask if anyone has any suggestions, or is willing to do something outside the ordinary for me. So now I just have to wait and see what she might come up with. More waiting. I am getting very skilled at this waiting.