Secret Training Grounds

I was outside over recess, playing with (or played with by?) small children, when it came to my attention that elementary schools here are actually a cover for the Japanese government's devious ploy to produce a nation of gymnastically adept circus freaks.

Bendy, twisty, and well-balanced (Mentally or not? Who am I to judge?) kids the likes of which I have never seen. Unicycles, stilts, fireman poles, hula hops, spring boards, spinning bars... The list of circus accoutrements humbly disguised as PE paraphenalia abounds. Even the most jaded, athletically inclined, acrobatically adept visitor would be surprised.

And the kids -- I spent recess with five different kids all intent on mastering the intricacies of the unicycle while another climbed barefoot up and down a 10 foot free-standing fireman pole. I feel as if my elementary experience was deficient as I have never mastered the use of any of this equipment considered everyday by my miniature tormentors. My status as an instructor of English and international education is surely in jeopardy, and I shall be shown up for the fraud I am. Sent back to Canada in a haze of shame and scandal no one there will understand, perhaps I shall be forced to commit hara-kiri...