The Sheer Physicality of it All

Yesterday, I had my first ever physical, and as always with something I am not looking forward to doing, I worked myself up into a fine state before going. However it was not nearly as horrible as I had been led to believe by Rie, who had filled my mind with horror stories of what her physical entailed -- mainly the gynecological exam.

When she went last Friday, she was led into a room by a nurse, who asked her to please step into the small changing room, remove her trousers and undewear, and then step through to the next room and sit in the chair. She did so and climbed into the dentist chair, ever so unsuspecting.

After she sat down, a nurse or doctor called to her and asked her if she was seated yet, to which Rie replied she was. At that, the chair began to turn around, all the while spreading Rie's legs apart. When the chair stopped, she found her body was cut in half by a curtain, unable to see what was happening or who was there on the far side of the drape, and the doctors only able to see naked Rie from the waist down. At this, the doctors began the standard gynecological exam, inserting and prying with a variety of cold metal instruments. As it was her first experience, she was made very uncomfortable by the whole process. All the while, she hears pens scratching on the far side.

Having heard this telling, I myself was terrified by the prospect of having to endure a gynecological exam by a doctor from my tiny little town who was not my doctor. Nor were matters helped any when Rie said that as of this year, it was a mandatory part of the physical for all women who would be celebrating an even-numbered birthday between the ages of twenty and thirty. Shortly after discovering this, I talked to Corinne, who mentioned a nurse who happened to comment on how her vital organs were a different size from Japanese people's. As you can see, I was very excited about the whole prospect of a physical.

I attempted to get out of it, and was informed that I was not allowed to decline. I suspect the woman I asked was misinformed, as I declined on a yearly basis when I was in Yodoe. Thus, with much trepidation, I went and checked in at the hospital for my first ever physical.

It was off to a rousing start when the nurse attempted to draw blood, sticking the needle in my left arm, but was unsuccessful -- she drew blood, but was disappointed with the amount. Like most people, I am a huge fan of needles, and naturally offered up my right arm as well so that amateur hour might have another go at me. The nurse didn't feel up to the challenge though, and called in the big guns, who happened to be a very determined little woman who appeared form round the corner, like a pinch hitter waiting for her big moment.

She tied off my arm with rubber tubing, wrenching it as tight as she could, before jabbing me in the right arm. She told me it was okay, all done, and when I turned to look, there was a needle hanging out of my arm at an odd angle. This did not impress me in the least and I once again turned my head away. Apparently this woman was very good at her job, as that was the end of my time as a pincushion. If they had asked, or checked, I would have told them I have always had low blood pressure, and all they really needed to do was wait.

But so be it.The physical carried on with a hearing and vision check, as well as a see-how-well-you-can-aim-while-peeing-into-a-paper-cup-over-a-squat-toilet, and a lets-strap-lots-of-wires-and-diodes-to-you-and-see-if-we-can't turn-you-into-our-8-year-old-kid's-science-experiment.

All in all it was not nearly as horrifying as I had feared it could be, and it seems I am actually in pretty good health.