Do you ever have those moments when it feels like you have all of a sudden left all that crap that was crowding your mind behind you? Your weird hang-ups and obsessions? Your penchant for self-deprecation and an inability to take a compliment? Your undeserved lack of confidence? All that weird stuff that crowds into your mind and stops you from doing the stuff you desperately want to do?
It's been weird, but it feels like I have done that. I don't know if it was the whole birthday thing, but I don't think so. I feel like the timing was coincidental. I think it is because I managed to say some stuff, get some stuff out there that I had crammed into corners of my minds that were stopping some of the fabulous stuff behind them from escaping into the light. And I want to kick myself. What the hell was wrong with me that I didn't get to this point sooner? There's a distinct lack of self-consciousness and shame that I don't miss kowtowing to, and it is gorgeous. I would like to say, "I'm back!" but I don't think I was here before. I would love to say it is permanent, but that is gonna take some work.
I am, however, looking forward to the next couple of weeks and all the stuff I want to do. You should see the slow grin spreading wider as I type this. You just know there's gonna be trouble...
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